Robin Klammer
3 min readMar 6, 2018

Tales of Woe From An Awful Cook.

I’m thinking I need to figure out a way get excited about cooking, not again, just in general. I have a limited repertoire of recipes and truthfully, it’s just not something I’m excited about. Therein lies the problem.

Yes, I’m a mom, and moms provide meals. Three times a day and snacks in between. This is ever daunting to me.

You see, I start to panic about just one meal a day. Supper. And if I’m P.M.S’ing, (sorry guys) then impending doom ensues. Around this time, the very thought of cooking is enough to open the flood gates. And no, for the record, I don’t cry over spilled milk… usually.

There are a few things I do cook well, like roasted chicken with carrots and potatoes and onions over rice, and other kinds of chicken. We like salmon. Beef that is tender seems hard to come by for some reason. Ground beef is not a big favorite here. You can only make tacos and spaghetti so many times before it gets boring.

Also, it is hard to know what to cook when there are picky eaters in the house. Myself included. Plus, I have stomach issues so that doesn’t help much. There are times when I do eat something and my body is protesting the rest of the day or night.

It is quite frustrating when this one doesn’t like onions or garlic, “Cuz it’s gross and slimy” Or this one doesn’t like food that is sweet, ie, terriyaki, sweet and sour anything… that one prefers non-processed food.

“Oh, I’m sorry! I forgot about our invisible botanical organic garden out back, in which we pluck foods from the earth…” Sorry, none of that… processed it is. And by that I mean spices bought from the store, heaven forbid.

Now, I realize that fresh herbs are infinitely better tasting and truly adds a punch to your palate…Where was I going with this?

Oh right, a couple years ago I boarded the fresh herb train, and I was chopping fresh rosemary, basil, cilantro… (not all together) But I realized that this takes much longer, and time was not my friend.

Chopping anything for a long period of time is painful for my gibbled hands at the best of times. More so when my arthritis is acting up. Not to mention, it takes forever for simple dinners, never mind the more involved ones. I could NEVER be a caterer.

Now this affliction doesn’t keep me from playing games on my phone…Like Hay Day, where virtual goods can be plucked with ease with the touch of a finger.

So the story goes, if I can play my games, then I can expend the effort to provide nutrition for my family… right?!

This debacle happened early in my cooking “career”. I was attempting to make a stir-fry, which is easy…Well, let me tell you. It did not turn out well. The beef was cooked, the veggies chopped and ready to toss in. Let’s just say I neglected to drain the water, thinking it would help steam them faster. And steam it did… Into mush. If I had just put a little water, it would have been fine. But I’ll take the fifth amendment on the amount of actual water, I already look bad enough.

Even I was unable/unwilling to eat this malady. I only have to say, “Remember that stir-fry?” I hear a collective groan.

They are trapped in that horror of a memorable dinner.

Memorable for all the wrong reasons.

I’ll end on that note, I don’t want to give you nightmares.

Robin Klammer

Searching for my True North, Strong & Free... ehhhh?! Garden of Neuro sister & Queen of Snark! 👑